Freedom in Sexuality: A Worthy Struggle
I am everyone else. I’m quick to remind people of this when it comes to my vocation as Roman Catholic priest and as individual follower of Christ. I’m just like everyone else in that I know Jesus is the way but I still struggle, mightily, in embracing the truth and the life. This doesn’t mean I don’t believe it, but that I find it difficult in certain areas to let go.
It’s freeing to admit this because it puts me in good company with…well…practically everyone. But as a wise priest once said to me: “Better to know the truth, struggle, and get up again, than to not have anything to aspire to at all.” Every human being wants to know who they are and how they fit in. To discover our identity is to be secure in our most important relationships and our true destiny. So how do I find my identity?
When I was in the seminary over 20 years ago a good friend of mine from my childhood told me that he was gay. I was grateful and humbled that he trusted me enough to share his story. My friend was (and is) a person with unique life experiences. He knew that I heard him in an attitude of respect, love, and concern. I believe my response was received well because we had a solid base of friendship and he knew that I heard him. I said that I loved him and wanted what was best for him, but that we both believe a revealed truth about human sexuality – that it has the dual purpose of procreation and bonding between husband and wife. The separation of the two turns it into something it was not designed for.
In the western world it seems like we’re only provided two options when it comes to sexual attraction – either hide it or live it out fully. Thank God there is a third way; a way that leads to authentic freedom secure in one’s identity as a son or daughter of God. The power of sexuality can lead us to conclude that it contains the answer to happiness and fulfillment. “This is life!”, we say. The truth is that Jesus is life and when we seek him first everything else will fall into place. But he demands to be first. This is what we all struggle with.
If you experience same sex attraction or struggle integrating your sexuality with your faith in any way, you’re not alone. Be gentle with yourself and remember that the struggle is worth it. Above all, remember that we are not sent to be dispensers of Catholic doctrine but hearts who are ready to receive the heart of others and walk together to the ultimate source of love – God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.